Tag, I'm it.

Well, Lindsey over at Adventures in Dessert tagged me. This has been going around the blogosphere, apparently, without my knowing. She predicted I wouldn't comply so of course I am just to prove that I defy augury. Although it's been, like, weeks.

Should I really share five facts about myself? What sort? I know my blog at times seems highly personal, but there's something about compulsory sharing that gets me. Even though I'm sure my pastry pal believes I've forgotten all about it, I've been vacillating. Five facts to tell? What five facts are important enough or unimportant enough to share here? She claimed they did have to be true facts, although anyone who has ventured out-of-body knows that facts are not always what they seem.

Which leads me to the First Fact. Sometimes my dreams are more real than my waking life. Or rather, waking life is as pliable as a dream. There, I've said it out loud. But, lest you leave confused, let me explain what I mean.... For a while I was practicing something called Tibetan Dream Yoga. This process helps you understand that reality is, well, not what we think it is.

The process involves questioning yourself throughout the day -- asking "am I dreaming?" and then checking to see if you are or are not. You do this by reading and then rereading a sign, perhaps. In dreams, printed language is notoriously fluid. If it changes from your initial read then you are probably dreaming. Clocks do the same. Lights are inconsistent in dreams, as well. Also, in dreams surprising things can happen. Things that defy our understanding of the physical world.

So, one day I was walking down 19th Street just off Castro, asking myself if I was dreaming. Suddenly, at the corner of 19th and Hartford I noticed a toilet. Just randomly sitting there. An incongruent sight like that is another clue that you're dreaming. So, I thought to myself "whoa! apparently this shit is working!" So, as I'd been taught, I did some of the dream checks. My watch was consistent. The street signs didn't change. Everything seemed stable, except that darn toilet sitting there where it shouldn't be. I looked away and then looked back, just to see if the toilet would disappear. (I suspected it would, and that this was some acid flashback.) Not only was the toilet still there, but NOW a man was pissing in it! I threw startled looks at all the others on the street (and there were a few) but NO ONE was batting an eye! Was I the only person seeing this???

My understanding of reality disintegrated for a moment. I didn't know whether I was dreaming or awake. I entered a very strange state of mind after that. I don't remember how I got home, although I'm sure I walked. I don't remember about an hour of time.

Then, when I came back to normal consciousness, I was left with many questions about the experience. Had it really happened? Was I crazy? In short, the practice brought about exactly what it was supposed to, but I was not ready. That was the last time I practiced dream yoga, although I do enjoy telling the story.

So, the first definition of fact in the online Merriam Webster is "a thing done." That's the definition I'm honoring with my five facts, as you can tell from fact number one.

My Second Thing Done is that I've all but given up writing poetry. The words have soured in my mouth. With all the trouble I've had in my relationship and with this darn career change, I just don't have the energy any more. Plus, it's disheartening to have people claim they are going to publish you, only to have your work languish for YEARS on their desks without explanation! Do you blame me for being bitter? Would any court in the land convict me on this? I just want to know.

My Third Thing Done: in my younger years I was a thief. Sort of compulsively. In fact, when I was very poor I got arrested, yes ARRESTED! for shoplifting cigarettes. I bet you didn't even know I had once smoked! Yes, I did, and drank and did drugs as well. So, I have several excellent excuses for my thievery: I was poor, I was drunk, I was on drugs. Don't blame me. Anyway, being arrested was all very humiliating, and marked a turning point in my life. I left the boyfriend who was beating me, and ran away to join the Navy, which in turn got me to San Francisco.

My Fourth Thing Done is not so much a thing done, but a piece of information presented as having objective reality (Merriam Webster definition number five): I sometimes let things go on too long. This two year fight my boyfriend and I have been having. My job (and not the baking one although those of you who bake with me might wonder). Just to name a few. Sometimes I am lazy to confront things and lazy to change them.

And, finally, my Fifth Thing Done: This also is a piece of information, this time presented to me as having objective reality. Years ago I had a Vedic Astrology reading done. In Vedic astrology, the north and south nodes of the moon are very important. The north node is called Rahu, the south Ketu. Since the moon is so close to earth, the energies of the moon are thought to have a profound influence on our lives. This vedic astrogist (as well as I remember, his name was Glen Gearheart) said that I had a certain configuration of Rahu & Ketu that meant "instant karma." And, I have found that I can't get away with ANYTHING in this lifetime. There are instant repercussions. This is a good thing. It keeps me from fooling myself that I *am* getting away with something, even if it takes awhile for the consequences to manifest.

Thank you for reading along. I hope you feel like you know me better! The rules for tagging are as follows:

1. Link to your tagger and post these rules.
2. Share 5 facts about yourself.
3. Tag 5 people at the end of your post and list their names, linking to them.
4. Let them know they've been tagged by leaving a comment at their blogs.

If I knew five people who blogged I would tag them. But, as it happens, I'm going to have to think on that one.

Ai-ya! So much time since I last wrote anything....

I just returned from a trip down memory lane. My friend and I met in Kansas City, MO and drove to Columbia, Mo. We lived there in the late 1970's - early 1980's. It was a wild time. We both did massive quantities of drugs and drank like there was no tomorrow. Well, there wasn't, as far as we were concerned. Our favorite quote was from Janis Joplin: "It's all the same fuckin' day."

Columbia has changed, and so have we. At every turn there was a combination of the past and the present. I found it quite disorienting. At one point, in the space of a block, I saw things that were so familiar my heart stopped and things (clearly in place for some fifty years) that I could swear I'd never seen before in my life.

And then the people. So many people looked familiar to me, and looked at me like I was familiar to them. There is a lot more sophistication in this part of the US than there used to be. I blame this on cable TV and the internet. I was able to find a fairly decent chocolate there. I had food that wasn't that bad.

Then, I went on to Rolla, MO to visit family. An even smaller town, but while there I discovered two graduates of the Culinary Institute of America who had opened a fine looking shop. I bought chocolates there, and wished for some of their house made sausage. I also had a nice chat with the husband of the team.

I spent my time in Rolla baking. I made four or five batches of pate brisee and put them in the freezy for my mother's holiday pies. I made an onion tarte courtesy Alice Waters. I made a chocolate malt custard pie and an apple cake. And a few other things I can't recollect. As I baked or prepared pastry I thought about all I was remembering and I began the process of assimilating it.

Many and/or various.

Since my last entry a lot has happened!

A return to childhood.

First, I flew to New Mexico to help my parents move from there back to Missouri. Incredibly, they moved back to the very town where I grew up. By the time I got there, they had spent a month packing and were very tired. I helped drive to Missouri, and then handled as much unpacking as I could before I had to be back in San Francisco. I was glad I got to help my parents, but it was odd being back in Rolla. I quickly found myself re-adopting the southern drawl, and people kept peering at me as if they knew me, but couldn't quite place me. I, of course, was doing the same with them. Rolla is full of bad food and even worse desserts.

Cupcakes.

I was glad to be back in San Francisco, and back at work! Kara's is getting interesting. I have been appointed, nominally, to the heady position of "production manager." This, apparently, means nothing. I fought endlessly with Kara over the production list for Saturday and acquiesced to her suggestions. I would like to discuss with her *what* her policy is about batters, and then try to implement that but much of the decision-making is done on the fly. Still, I enjoy wrestling with the process, seeing what I can learn from it, and what successes I can tease out of it. Many in the kitchen, though, are displeased. I hear restless murmurings each day. It seems to me that people can't just relax about things like the boss' personality. To me, it's no big deal. Go with the flow. Although I was tempted to say to Kara "You don't really want a production manager, do you?" when she was arguing so with me.

Johnjohn.

I got a new cell phone. It's quite fun, but it also represents a break from John. For years we've shared a cell phone plan, but I am getting really stressed out about our relationship. I decided having my own 415 number (rather than 626 on our shared plan) might be good for me. When I told him, he didn't say anything. But then I got an email saying it made him sad. Welcome to my universe I thought but did not say.

So anyway.

So much time has passed since my last post. A lot has happened, too!

1. For now I'm not teaching at Psychic Horizons. It's incredible what that has done for my own meditations. They've grown by leaps and bounds. I feel like my energy is higher than it has been in a long, long time.

2. I've cut back my hours at my old job. This job has been stifling my creativity for years, and I knew it. However, it was one of those things that was difficult to change. Oh, it's not so much the job. It's my relationship to it. It was safe. It was easy. I could own my space in it with no problems. And, I wasn't challenged by it. But for a long time I was frightened to change it.

Then, finally somehow I found I'd had enough. So I went to pastry school. Got a job. Was fired. Licked my wounds for a while. Went to work at my beloved Three Stone Hearth. Made a New Year's Resolution to get an actual paying job. And, I got one at Kara's Cupcakes!

3. And things are going really well at Kara's. I have gotten a couple of raises, and will get to do some management stuff. Yay!

New Job, part II

I love my new job! It's nothing like that restaurant down town where I worked for a few minutes. The people who own the place are totally cool. The product is great! The location is hot! It's called Kara's Cupcakes. Right now I'm working weekends, but there's a chance that I'll get to work more hours in a few months. They are opening a second retail location in Ghirardelli Square in April. I imagine it's going to be wild then.

My favorite cupcakes so far are the Meyer Lemony Lemon and the Fleur del Sel. Kara's Karrot is really good too.

I spend the day baking, making batters, making icings, etc. I haven't had that much experience decorating yet. I have been practicing my piping skills at home, and I hope to get better it. I decided I want to do every thing I can to do a good job.

At least this one thing is going well.

New Job

Well, I got a new job! Yipee! I'm very excited. I was really much more worried than I ought to have been about this whole job thing. This experience, so far, proves to me that my experience at Postrio was an anomaly. This new place is baking the kind of thing I like to bake (not bread, though) and the people are wonderful!

I was very nervous about the interview. The owner asked for pictures of some of the things that I have done, but I don't take many pictures! I'm usually thinking "Oh, well, the next one will look better." But I scrambled around to find some pictures, and also baked some macarons (the french kind) and photographed them. John really pushed me on this, and I'm glad he did!

I start tomorrow. After the first week or so, I'll post the location & the website. I don't want to jinx it by talking too soon. :)

Job Hunting.

So, for the new year I decided that I would actually hunt for a paying baking job. I don't know why this is hard for me, but it is. Or it was. Now it seems a bit easier. Of course I did a long New Year's Day meditation that seems to have shifted my energy.

On Tuesday, January 2, I started to send out resumes. Yesterday I discovered that I had a TYPO in my resume! I couldn't believe it. But, I'm already getting calls. And I went to an interview today. It sounds like a very interesting place, and I think I would enjoy working there. The folks at Three Stone Hearth are going to provide references for me, which is totally cool. And Porsche helped write the part of my resume that mentions the kitchen. Porsche, you're my hero!

I've corrected the typo in my resume, and will continue to comb Craigslist for leads. Would you let me know if you hear of anything? :)

On other news John gave me a WONDERFUL computer for Christmas and my birthday. I love it!